Have you ever found yourself holding back from fully embracing happiness because of past disappointments? 🤔 I sure have! It’s a wild ride when you’ve spent years building walls around your heart, only to find someone who makes you want to tear them down. This is the story of my journey through love, fear, and, ultimately, joy.
Childhood Fears and Early Lessons
Looking back, I think my fear of believing that things could be okay started in childhood. Picture this: a small child with big dreams, but holidays often turned into letdowns. My birthday, just two weeks after Christmas, felt like a cosmic joke—always overshadowed by the festivities of the season. 🎉
My single mom worked tirelessly to make ends meet for my three siblings and me. Despite her efforts, the chronic disappointment shaped my outlook. I learned early on that expecting good things could lead to heartbreak. So, I opted for the safer route—never expecting to get what I wanted. It felt easier to protect myself from potential hurt.
Fast forward to college, where I met Kelly. We hit it off, but I kept my heart guarded. I mean, how could I not? Just as I began to realize how much I liked him, he received an amazing opportunity in New York City. Talk about a plot twist! 🌆 I figured that was the end of our flirtation. After all, who would commit when life was pulling them in such different directions?
Falling in Love Against the Odds
When I suggested we end things, he surprised me by wanting to stick around. We spent that semester creating beautiful memories—sharing meals, laughing, and yes, falling in love, even as I tried to convince myself it was temporary. I knew he would leave, and that thought made everything bittersweet. It was like savoring chocolate while knowing I’d have to spit it out soon. 🍫
When the dreaded day came for him to leave, I was heartbroken, sobbing for what felt like an eternity. I was convinced we’d never reunite. But life had other plans. Almost two years later, Kelly popped back into my life, asking to reconnect. I was thrilled yet terrified—determined to keep my feelings in check. Who else has been there? 🙋♀️
When he kissed me, it was electric. I hadn’t expected the chemistry to still be there. But could I really allow myself to hope? I was cautious, even though my heart was ready to leap. I laid my cards on the table—everything I wanted in life and love. Surprisingly, he responded with honesty, saying he wasn’t everything I needed yet but believed he could be. Talk about a refreshing take on vulnerability!
Choosing Joy Over Fear
When I received a job offer in New York, I braced myself for the conversation that would shatter our budding relationship. Instead, he said, “I’ll meet you in New York.” My heart soared, but my mind was still screaming, “This isn’t real!” He moved in with me, and we navigated the chaotic beauty of life together, from career challenges to personal losses.
After losing my grandmother, he was my rock, reminding me that everything would be okay. He stood by me through dark days, encouraging me to seek help for my mental health struggles. And when he proposed three years later, I said yes—but the specter of disappointment still lingered in the back of my mind. Was this too good to be true? 🥺
Seven years into marriage, I still find myself questioning everything. Is the infamous seven-year itch lurking around the corner? Does enjoying time with my husband mean we’re safe from falling out of love? But here’s what I’ve realized: all those worries robbed me of the joy I deserve.
So, I’m making a conscious choice. I’m choosing to embrace the happiness that comes with my marriage over the fear of disappointment. Because at the end of the day, I deserve to feel joy. And if you’re in a similar situation, I hope you choose joy too! 💕
