Throughout my life, I held onto the belief that true confidence stemmed from suppressing my emotions. The mantra of ‘staying composed’ and ‘pushing through’ was ingrained in me, much like many women of my generation. We were conditioned to appear competent and dependable, often neglecting the complexity of our emotional landscapes. However, after decades in healthcare law and delving into the realm of personal well-being, I’ve uncovered a liberating truth:
Confidence is not about emotional control; rather, it is born from a deep connection with our feelings.
The misconceptions about confidence
Many of us grew up absorbing messages that discouraged emotional expression—phrases like ‘don’t be so sensitive’ or ‘keep your feelings to yourself’ became internalized rules. These beliefs followed us into our workplaces, relationships, and parenting roles, leading us to become adept at disregarding our emotions, especially the difficult ones.
What we often failed to recognize was the toll of this emotional disconnection. When we silence our feelings, we risk losing touch with our true selves, making it challenging to cultivate confidence. One of the most impactful steps I’ve taken is to confront and name these outdated beliefs. By documenting them, I could see them clearly—merely relics of the past rather than truths we consciously accepted.
Understanding emotions as vital information
Every emotion we encounter serves a purpose; it’s our body’s way of communicating significant messages. That flutter of anxiety before voicing an opinion? It signals that something important is at stake. The frustration felt when dismissed? This indicates a boundary needing reinforcement. Those unexpected tears during a quiet moment might be a call for attention to long-neglected feelings.
Learning to embrace these sensations instead of pushing them aside marks a profound shift. By doing so, we begin to rebuild trust in ourselves. This self-trust—not false bravado or certainty—represents the essence of genuine confidence.
Practical exercises for emotional engagement
In my interactions with women, I often introduce a simple yet effective framework known as Feel-Pause-Act. This approach is gentle and practical, particularly beneficial during transitional life stages.
The Feel-Pause-Act framework
Feel: When emotions arise, acknowledge them. Quietly name your feelings, such as ‘I feel anxious’ or ‘I sense sadness.’ This initial recognition is crucial, especially for those raised to overlook their emotions. Finding the correct words to articulate these feelings can be a powerful tool for introspection.
Pause: Take a moment to breathe deeply. This pause is not about resolving the emotion but creating space for your nervous system to settle. A few slow breaths can cultivate an environment where thoughtful choices become possible. You can practice this anywhere—whether in your car or before engaging in a challenging conversation.
Act: After grounding yourself, decide how to respond in a way that honors both your feelings and personal values. This method can apply to both minor daily occurrences and significant life choices, from handling a troubling phone call to navigating difficult comments.
Emotional confidence in later life
As we reach our sixties, we’ve accumulated a wealth of experiences—love, loss, adaptation, and resilience. Despite this, many women continue to doubt themselves: Am I overreacting? Shouldn’t I have moved past this by now? It’s vital to understand that our emotional reactions are not arbitrary; they are shaped by our life experiences and deserve recognition.
For countless women, earlier life stages involved placing others’ needs before their own, often sidelining personal desires. Hitting the age of sixty can present a gentle invitation to reconnect with oneself, prompting profound questions:
What do I truly feel? What do I need? What do I desire at this stage of life?
Embracing your emotional journey
These inquiries are not selfish; they are restorative. The practice of engaging with these questions can take place in the comfort of your own home, at your chosen pace. You don’t need to overhaul your emotional landscape overnight. Start with a simple acknowledgment of your emotions.
Next time you experience a strong feeling—whether it’s joy or frustration—pause and affirm it: ‘I feel this.’ That acknowledgment is significant. For those ready to delve deeper, consider asking, ‘What is this emotion trying to reveal?’ You might find solace in writing down your thoughts or simply reflecting over your morning coffee. This ongoing practice can nurture self-trust, the cornerstone of authentic confidence.
Ultimately, the journey from chains of emotional suppression to the wings of emotional freedom is not about resisting feelings but learning to listen to them. Your emotions have accompanied you through every chapter of your existence, safeguarding you and illuminating what truly matters. When you honor them, you honor your entire story.