When I held my first newborn, I softly whispered, “All I want is for you to be happy.” Isn’t that the sweetest wish? 🎈 At that moment, it felt like a generous gift—no expectations of who he should become, just pure happiness. Fast forward a few decades, and I realize how much weight that wish carried. Happiness isn’t a constant state we can simply hand over; it’s a rollercoaster ride filled with ups, downs, and everything in between. By focusing solely on happiness, I inadvertently set the bar sky-high for both my sons and myself as their mom.
Understanding the Complexities of Happiness
Lucky for me, my three sons grew into resilient, capable men. They found fulfilling work, experienced love, and even became fathers themselves. For a while, it felt like we had cracked the code of life’s challenges. But here’s the thing: life doesn’t stop moving, does it? My eldest, now in his 50s, is navigating through his divorce with two preteens in tow. Another son is wrestling with marriage issues while juggling the needs of a teenager and two younger kids. And my youngest? He’s under immense work pressure. Sound familiar? 🤯
Life in midlife is complex and incredibly demanding. I genuinely wish for my sons to feel secure, loved, and more relaxed. I want them to enjoy life without the weight of constant tension. But here’s where I have to check myself: my worries don’t solve their problems, and my vision of a ‘settled’ life might not align with theirs. Who else feels that tug-of-war? 😅
Reassessing Our Roles as Parents
Midlife often feels like a season of reassessment—time to let go of some dreams and adapt to new realities. It can be tough to watch our children face challenges, but I’m learning that my role isn’t to shield them from difficulties. Instead, it’s about trusting their capacity to tackle life’s hurdles. I’m here, steady and supportive, without insisting they follow my blueprint for happiness.
Whenever I’m tempted to jump in with solutions, I pause and ask myself, “Did they ask for my advice, or are they simply seeking a listening ear?” 🤔 Reflecting on my own journey through my 50s, I recognize how those changes shaped me; my sons deserve the same space for growth. Rather than replaying my worries, I jot them down, then focus on one small, positive action I can take—maybe sending a thoughtful note, cooking a meal, or offering to babysit. It’s all about those little gestures, right? 🥰
Embracing Unconditional Love and Letting Go
Letting go of the idea that I can—or should—ensure my children’s happiness might be the hardest part of motherhood yet. But it’s also one of the purest acts of love. It’s akin to releasing regrets, grudges, or perfectionism: in freeing them, we liberate ourselves too. As mothers of adult children, we can’t make life easy for them, but we can offer unwavering love and faith in their journey. And honestly, sometimes that’s the truest gift of all. 💖
So, what’s one thing you’ve always wanted for your children? How has your perspective shifted over time? What realistic expectations do you find yourself holding today? Let’s chat about it! 💬✨
