Many individuals experience a sense of regret following a purchase. This feeling can arise from acquiring an item that remains unused, assisting someone financially more than necessary, or enduring debt longer than anticipated. However, the emotional residue that often persists beyond financial loss is a more substantial issue: money shame.
Money shame transcends mere financial transactions; it impacts our sense of self-worth, identity, and the narratives we construct around our financial choices. For many women aged 60 and above, this shame has been a persistent presence throughout their lives.
The roots of money shame
Consider Marjorie, a 72-year-old who still feels discomfort when reflecting on a credit card debt from her youth. Although she cleared that debt years ago, every look at her retirement savings revives a voice in her mind that admonishes her: “If only you had made better choices back then, you would be secure today.” Even though the financial burden has lifted, the associated shame continues to affect her spending habits, conversations about finances with her children, and her self-image.
This persistent money shame is particularly potent because it intertwines with our fundamental sense of worth. Several factors contribute to its prevalence among women as they age:
Long-standing societal beliefs
For many, childhood experiences instilled lessons such as “discussing finances is taboo” or “we cannot afford such luxuries.” These ingrained beliefs resonate throughout life, shaping attitudes toward money.
Self-sacrifice and societal roles
Women of previous generations often learned to prioritize the needs of others at the expense of their own. Investing in oneself was considered self-indulgent, while asserting personal boundaries was viewed as unkind. Such conditioning can lead to feelings of guilt when contemplating personal financial decisions.
The aftermath of financial changes
Life events such as divorce, bereavement, or retirement can trigger significant financial transitions, reigniting feelings of shame with thoughts like “I should have prepared better for this.” Observing peers enjoying lavish vacations or larger homes can also provoke feelings of inadequacy, regardless of the soundness of one’s financial decisions.
Sometimes, the presence of money shame is not overt. It may disguise itself as “responsible” behaviors or self-discipline. Reflect on your financial habits: Are you overly frugal? Do you feel guilt when spending even a little on yourself? These may be signs that shame, rather than sound judgment, is influencing your financial decisions.
The cycle of shame and its consequences
Rather than enhancing financial skills, money shame often exacerbates challenges. Allowing shame to dictate actions can lead to avoidance of crucial financial discussions or neglect of pressing issues until they escalate beyond manageability. Alternatively, some individuals may deny themselves happiness or rest, convinced they do not deserve such luxuries.
Shame can create barriers to communication, undermining trust and openness in relationships with family, partners, and friends. It often leads to silence, preventing individuals from seeking the support necessary to navigate financial challenges.
Transforming your relationship with money
Money shame transcends mere financial transactions; it impacts our sense of self-worth, identity, and the narratives we construct around our financial choices. For many women aged 60 and above, this shame has been a persistent presence throughout their lives.0
- Practice self-compassion and forgive past mistakes.
- Engage in open discussions about finances with trusted individuals to break the cycle of silence.
- Challenge negative beliefs about money and self-worth.
Money shame transcends mere financial transactions; it impacts our sense of self-worth, identity, and the narratives we construct around our financial choices. For many women aged 60 and above, this shame has been a persistent presence throughout their lives.1
Money shame transcends mere financial transactions; it impacts our sense of self-worth, identity, and the narratives we construct around our financial choices. For many women aged 60 and above, this shame has been a persistent presence throughout their lives.2
